Am I Alone?

             This week’s discipline focused on many aspects of solitude that I had never considered before.  Prior to reading the chapter on solitude by Richard Foster, I honestly thought that this would probably be the easiest discipline for me to follow and practice for a week.  In my mind, because I am a mega-introvert, I was almost excited to be able to spend more time alone and not have to really justify why I was alone all of the time.  In short, I thought that I was going to be the most successful at this discipline out of the whole host of other disciplines that I have practiced throughout this semester.  Golly gee, was I incorrect!

            Instead of solitude being about a place and lack of people, I learned that “solitude is more of a state of mind and heart” that “can be maintained at all times” (96).  The purpose of the discipline of solitude is not, to my chagrin, to escape from people and to have time to oneself.  Rather, it is a state of connection with God.  We are meant to withdraw in order to listen to God and the Truth that He puts into our hearts.  The rejuvenation that occurs after seeking solace in the solitude of God comes from spending time with him, instead of taking advantage of little moments to focus on rejuvenating yourself by trivial things, such as wasting time on the internet or turning off your brain by listening to music.  What I didn’t understand at first is that solitude is NOT about myself.  It is about God!

            To practice the discipline of solitude this week, I wanted to be very conscious of God, both when I was alone in my self-imposed solitary confinement and also while I was surrounded by people.  After reflecting back upon this week, I have to admit that I really didn’t throw everything I had into this discipline.  It was something that I would think about off and on, but surprisingly, I really failed at giving the time that I set aside for myself to God.  I actually did much better when I was around people by connecting with God and turning my attention to Him instead of to myself.  This probably is because I was at home, surrounded with people who I absolutely adore and who completely accept me for who I am as a person.

            When I am at home, it is not as easy for me to slink off to my room and get lost in a book.  I am drawn to my family, telling funny stories and just sitting with them.  It was in these moments that I connected with God and He showed me all of the blessings that He has bestowed upon me.  Solitude was also found in the very busy mall on Black Friday (I am NOT a fan of shopping – especially in a busy mall filled to the brim with people).  Usually, I will not really pay attention to the people around me, instead choosing to just shut down and follow my mother from store to store, waiting for the moment when we are back in the car and listening to Christmas Carols on the way home.  However, this time, I really paid attention to the people who were around me as I walked from store to store.  God really had to give me the strength to stay present and find a solitude that can only come from Him in a busy mall.

            Although I feel like I didn’t put as much effort as I should have into this week’s discipline, I found myself thinking about solitude and mulling it over a lot.  Maybe this week was just me being able to get a new, healthier perspective on solitude so that I can practice this discipline and understand it more.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone; I pray that you all have much for which to be thankful.  I know that I sure do!  Blessings.